


Runaway

by MusicLover6661



Category: Avenged Sevenfold, Bratt - Fandom
Genre: M/M, it'll be there soon enough, it's not going to automatically be a Bratt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-09-17 12:36:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9323897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicLover6661/pseuds/MusicLover6661
Summary: i know i just posted this yesterday but i had been writing since this morning and felt really inspired to continue writing so enjoy thisi probably won't get anything else up for at least a week because of work but i want to make this as amazing as i canlet me know what you guys think!





	1. Chapter 1

I sat watching the people pass by, time seemed to move faster than I had once remembered it. Then again my life wasn't the same as before this all happened. I rubbed my face and frowned at the feeling of the thick beard covering my cheeks, where had I gone wrong? I had a loving fiance, a very successful band, and four friends who would pick me up whenever I needed them most. Now though? I was living on the streets of the place I grew up, the only positive was that no one recognized me. I lost all of my money to drinking, a drug addiction I was forced to break once I had nothing left. My fiance had frozen the bank accounts to help get me sober, and when it was too late I left. I hadn't seen her nor my friends since the death of one of my best friends, how could I have been so stupid? I let my life go because I couldn't cope with what had happened. 

I pulled my legs closer to my chest and sighed, the sun had set a little over an hour ago, leaving the sky a beautiful deep orange. I sighed softly and looked out towards the sidewalk where the crowds of people seemed to thin out. I could only hope that no one I knew, or anyone that recognized me would walk by and see the mess I had become. I had cut off contact with everyone after everything happened, I couldn't bear to look at anyone the same. I was a broken man who couldn't deal with reality.

“That movie was horrible and you know it” I froze at the sound of an oh so familiar voice, maybe he wouldn't even stop and notice me.  
“It was not, you just didn't pay...Matt?” A second voice spoke up, sounding closer than I was expecting. How was I going to explain this?

I looked over slowly and waved, what a great way to greet your friends after not speaking for the last two years Matt.

“Holy shit, it's really you” Zack ran over and dropped down next to me, he was wearing a Vengeance University hoodie, how fitting.  
“Hey Zack, hey Brian” My voice croaked out from lack of use. The last time I had even spoken to someone was over two weeks ago.  
“What happened to you?” Brian stood behind Zack with a shocked expression across his features, his eyes wide with awe.  
“I fucked up, I lost everything” I had lost a substantial amount of weight, my arms were nowhere near as toned as they once were, and my waist was the smallest it had been since I was a teenager.  
“Why don't you come with us? We can get you something to eat, and a shower” Brian held his hand out and smiled softly. What else did I have to lose?

I grabbed his hand and felt him pull me off the ground, I think he was expecting me to have more weight than I did. His eyes widened as he shoved his hands into his pockets Zack turned and led us over to where his car was, I felt like a total moron for letting them see me as the mess I was. I hadn't had a decent in meal in over a week, only managing to gather up enough money to get a burger or two from McDonald's. I was a completely disgusting human being, I didn't deserve the friends I had.

Brian and Zack talked freely as he drove, he had to of moved since the last time I saw him. I wonder what else had changed between my friends. Would any of them even want to speak to me after what happened? After I disappeared without a trace, no phone, no money, nothing but the clothes that were on my back. How could I just let go of my life so easily? I had everything I could ever need and I let it all go because I couldn't handle the death of my best friend. I was weak, and pathetic. 

“We're here” Zack said as he parked, the house we were at felt foreign to me, I knew this was a bad idea.   
“I'll find some clothes for you, call and order some takeout” Brian slipped out from the car and walked inside. 

Swallowing thickly I stepped out from inside the car, the air felt crisp. It was definitely going to be a cold one tonight. I followed Zack inside and gasped softly, the inside was more beautiful than the outside, it suited Brian perfectly. It hit me then, if Michelle were to see me, she would go and tell Val. She didn't deserve to see the mess I was, I wouldn't be surprised if she had found someone else and settled down, the pain of the thought caused my chest to ache. Then again it could've been the cold I had for over two weeks. Brian came back down to where I was still rooted and handed me a small pile of clothes.

“Bathroom is at the end of the hall, I put out a new toothbrush you can have, just make sure Pinkly doesn't follow you inside” Brian spoke softly, clapping his hands together as the small maltese wandered into the room.

I nodded slowly and made my way down to the bathroom, stopping once I found what I assumed to be Brian's room, it felt so welcoming and homey. I shook my head and walked into the bathroom that was two doors down, I should just stay the night and leave before he wakes up in the morning. At least then Brian could be without the burden that I am. I shut the door and turned on the shower, steam filling the room quickly. Stripping off my clothes felt foreign, I hadn't been able to shower in a little over a month. The spray from the shower loosened every muscle in my body, I could spend hours cleaning myself if it felt this nice. The dirt and grease dripped from my hair when I lathered shampoo along my head, I'd have to wash my hair a couple times at least.

I dried off and dressed in the soft clothes that Brian had given to me after I felt cleaner than I ever could, my clothes sat in a dirty heap by the door. What would he even say about this? No, I can't think about all of that right now. I dropped the towel in a basket I assumed was used for laundry and headed down to where Zack and him were, except before I could step into the living room I heard three voices talking.

“Johnny, he doesn't look the same. I don't know what happened to him but he's changed” Brian's voice broke on the last word. I couldn't handle seeing anyone else, word would get out and things would end badly.  
“He's our friend Brian, we should've been there for him, when all of this happened to us” Johnny pleaded with Brian, his voice raising an octave as he spoke.  
“I'm sorry dude I can't, he's already ready to run at a moments notice. If he even finds about what Val did he'll go mental” Brian sighed and crossed his arms.  
“It's alright Brian, I expected people to find out eventually” I turned the corner and looked between the three other men. 

Brian's eyes widened with horror, Johnny's with shock and sadness, and Zack's watered in the slightest. I didn't want to feel as if they had to baby me. Johnny ran over and wrapped his arms around me tight, his grip tightening as I wrapped my own around his shoulders.

“I'm so sorry, I can't ever excuse the horrible shit I did to you guys” This was the moment I needed, to truly apologize for what I had done.  
“Matt don't-”  
“Brian I skipped out on life for the last two years, I let drugs and alcohol take over every fiber of my being. If Val hadn't frozen my accounts I would've possibly killed myself, hell you should all hate me for what I did. Fuck, I hate me Brian” I could feel my eyes sting with oncoming tears, I just couldn't cry, not now.  
“Do you want us to catch you up on everything?” Brian asked as he sat down. What could it hurt to know? I nodded slowly and sat down with Johnny and groaned, my chest aching as I sunk into the cushions.  
“Alright, well Johnny got engaged, VU has been going amazing for Zack, Michelle and I are no longer together for reasons we are keeping private. Umm, Val got married about a month ago, she has all of your stuff in storage, accounts are still frozen until you're ready to take over, and...Matt are you okay?” I could barely hear Brian's words, everything started to feel fuzzy. I wonder if it was the news about Val or soaking in all the information, I should've expected her to move on.  
“The house, what did she do with the house?” I looked at him nervously, did she sell it, or was she still living there?  
“She locked it up when she moved out, the keys are in my office” Brian stood up and made his way down to what I assumed was his office. I could go back home and pretend I didn't do any of this. I could just be myself again.

Zack walked over slowly and hugged me tight, I missed out on so much because I was selfish. Wrapping my arms around Zack I sniffed and gripped his shirt tight.

“He left Michelle after you went missing, he was always out searching for you, but when he couldn't find you he went into a depression” Zack rubbed my back slowly, his words were soft whispers.  
“He thought you were dead when you hadn't turned up after a few months, he blamed himself for what happened to Jimmy, and then what happened to you” I felt the tears run down my cheeks in small rivers, I knew I was going to soak his shirt but it hurt hearing the truth.  
“I was too ashamed to come home, I saw you guys a few months ago but I felt like a horrible person for what I caused so I left before you could notice me” I pulled away from Zack gently and held my hands on his shoulders, his eyes were red with tears.  
“Just stay, for Brian's sake” There was an underlying tone to Zack's words. A hidden message that I had to figure out. And I would.


	2. Chapter 2

The smell of pizza made it's way into my nose when Brian shut the front door, he held three large boxes in his arms with a smile. Zack followed him like a hungry puppy, hot on his heels. I chuckled and stood up slowly, every time I moved too fast my chest felt as if it was caving in. Brian was never going to find out about that though, the less he had to worry about the better. Johnny plopped back onto the couch with pizza piled onto his plate, and a beer in his free hand. My stomach growled loudly, maybe it was time to eat. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a few slices of pizza, my mouth watering before I even had a chance to set the first slice on the plate. I was tempted to grab a beer from the fridge but decided it would be better not too. Last time I had any alcohol I wound up in the ER getting my stomach pumped. 

“I think I should sell the house, it has too many bad memories” I took a bite and chewed slowly before I shoved at least half of the slice into my mouth and nearly swallowed it whole. I had finished four more slices before anyone spoke up.  
“That's fine, I can call the realtor who sold my house” Zack said as he set his plate down, his stomach pooching slightly from all the pizza he had eaten.  
“I promise I'll be out of your hair soon Bri” I glanced down at my empty plate and frowned, I wanted to get more pizza but I was afraid of looking like a slob.  
“You can stay as long as you need to, and please eat more, you're skin and bones right now” Brian grabbed my plate from my hands and walked into the kitchen, piling at least six slices onto the plate. Jeeze, how much did he think I could eat?

I opened my mouth to make a remark before I shut it quickly, I felt as if I was walking on thin ice already. Brian was letting me stay in his home, eat his food, and sleep on his couch after the hell I put him through. Zack's words still bounced around in my mind, there had to of been a different reason. Why would him and Michelle break up just because I had gone missing? They were perfect for each other.

“Hey, Brian I wanted to give this back to you. Found it in a box of my stuff when I was unpacking” Michelle's voice broke me out of my trance, oh shit.  
“Thank you! I have been searching for that damn pedal for over four months” Brian ran over and took the guitar pedal from her hands, although her eyes were anywhere but Brian in that moment.  
“Hey” I waved slowly and set down the pizza that was in my hand, how was I going to explain this to her?  
“Oh my god, you're home” Her eyes teared up as she walked over slowly, kneeling down when she was close enough.  
“Don't tell Val, I don't want her to see how much I messed up” I wrapped my arms around her waist as she hugged me tight, sobs wracked through her body.  
“Shit, I can't believe you're really home” She ran her fingers through my overly long hair and gasped softly.  
“Matt?” I felt my body stiffen, my blood ran cold.

Michelle and I pulled away as we both turned to face her sister, she was breathtaking as she stood in the doorway, she must've come in to see what was taking Michelle so long. I held my chest lightly and stood up, I was expecting her to scream, to berate me the way I deserved. Instead she stayed silent, tears falling down her cheeks slowly. I felt the urge to wipe away the tears, to promise her I wasn't going to leave again but I couldn't, she wasn't mine anymore. She had someone else she went home to at the end of the day, someone who gave her everything I couldn't.

“Hey Val” I rubbed my arm and focused my gaze onto the floor, the ring on her finger was beautiful, I could only hoped he treated her the way she deserved.  
“How, who found you? Where did they find you?” The anger in her voiced caused me to look up, now wasn't the time, or the place.  
“Down by the theater, the alley” I felt myself become defensive as she glared at me, I would never forgive myself for what I did, but I wasn't going to lie down and take whatever she threw at me.  
“You ran away from your problems Matt! How was anyone supposed to grieve over Jimmy's death when you basically died to us as well?” Her voice shrieked with every word. I shook my head slowly and clenched my fists.  
“I'm not talking about this right now, I agree I fucked up way beyond recognition, but you moved on so go be happy with whoever you're with” I couldn't stop myself, I was done running away from everything, from being weak.  
“I will always admit when I am at fault, and I agree I should've gone to fucking therapy or done something that didn't cause me to nearly lose my life but I didn't! I chose to hide like the scared little boy I was, now if all you're going to do is treat me as if I am garbage you can leave right fucking now, I am not going to speak to you anymore Val” I spoke through clenched teeth, the anger rolling off me in waves, all I could see was red.

The house fell silent, it didn't even sound as if anyone was breathing in that moment. I wasn't the same man I was before, I had learned to toughen up who I was and if they didn't like it then they could all leave. The death of my best friend showed me that things aren't permanent, I had to live each day as if it was my last. And yes, the drugs and the drinking weren't the way to do it, but goddamnit I was hurting! I'm a person just as much as any of my friends, they moved on with their lives and I couldn't. They just didn't understand why it hurt so much.

Michelle and Val left quickly, Brian mumbling a quick sorry and goodbye before the door slammed loudly behind them. I knew coming here was a bad idea, I was too greedy of the thought of showering and eating an actual meal that I didn't think about the repercussions. I should just grab my clothes and leave, they'd of been better off without someone whose a mess.

“Matt?” Brian gently laid his hand against my arm, he was visibly shaken up.  
“I'm going to leave tomorrow, I can't stay Brian” I looked over at him, so many emotions ran across his features, his gorgeous features. Wait, what the hell am I talking about? That's my best friend!  
“Please don't leave, we just found you dude” Brian gripped my arm and frowned, his fingers able to wrap around my forearm.  
“I can't run into anyone else we know Brian, not again” I was craving a cigarette more than anything, but I hadn't smoked in years.  
“I'll warn people to give you space for now, just please stay” Brian pleaded, his hands moving down to my wrists.

I wanted nothing more in that moment than to wrap my arms around his waist and kiss him. Why was I suddenly having these feelings for him? I had known Brian since we were kids and it had never been anything but a friendship. It was like I was seeing Brian in a new light, one that was terrifying me to no end. The man was a ladies man, he could woo any women into bed with him if he pleased. 

“I'm not going to leave Brian” I wrapped my arms around him in a hug and squeezed, unfortunately a coughing fit caused me to pull away before I had the chance to enjoy the embrace. Brian couldn't know I was sick though, he'd make me go to a doctor and doctors always asked questions.  
“Are you okay?” Brian held his hand on my back and rubbed in slow circles, it felt nice.  
“Yeah, it's just a chest cold is all” I straightened up and sat down on the couch I had been sitting on earlier. If I was going to be sleeping on it I might as well get comfy.  
“Do you want to see a-”  
“Brian I can't, they ask too many questions, and if word gets out where I've been then” I trailed off and frowned, I didn't like hiding from fans. Except this wasn't something we could easily announce.  
“Okay, no doctors” Brian plopped down into the recliner that was across the room. I guess I could spend a few days here.

The night went on and soon enough Johnny and Zack were heading home to see the people they loved and cared about. I had sprawled out on the couch a little after they had left, I just needed Brian to give me a blanket and I would be all set for the night.

“Matt come on, if you sleep on the couch you're gonna fuck up your back” Brian was standing next to the couch where my legs were, his hands on his hips as he stared down at me.  
“Then where am I gonna sleep?” I sat up slowly and yawned, did Brian always look so good when he was shirtless or was it my new found feelings talking?  
“My bed, not like it's the first time we've slept in the same bed before” Brian said with a smile, yeah but I didn't want you like I do now.  
“Are you sure?” I asked tentatively, was he really sure about all of this?  
“Yes, now let's go I'm exhausted” Brian stalked off down to his bedroom with a loud yawn.

I got up and walked down to where Brian's bedroom was, I could hear him humming softly as I walked inside. He had turned on a beside lamp and was starting what I assumed to be his nightly routine. I walked over to the bed and laid down, the bed felt as if I was lying on a cloud. The bed dipped after a few minutes, and soon the room was covered in darkness as Brian turned off the lamp. Silence filled the room before Brian's soft snores filled the air. It felt so nice not to hear cars drive by, or drug dealers fight with each other.

I rolled over to face Brian and blushed, he was lying closer than I had expected, his lips parted slightly as he slept. I lifted my hands and gently traced the outlines of his chest tattoo, it looked new. How could I not see how much I had effect I had on everyone? My friends were getting married, and moving on with their lives and I was getting so drunk I could barely walk. I shook the thoughts from my head and gently held Brian's cheek, the skin felt so warm beneath my fingers. I was going to make it up to them, even if it took me the rest of my life to do. I took a deep breath and gently pressed my lips against his, I had to know if what I was feeling was real, or a false hope. Before I could register what I was feeling Brian's lips were moving with mine, it felt so natural. I slid my hand up and gripped his hair roughly, I wasn't trying to be dominate, but it had been a while since I had kissed anyone.

Brian shoved me down against the bed and crawled on top with lust in his eyes, his lips crashing down against mine as his waist settled against my crotch. His lips moved with an urgency, a deep hunger that I was trying to match. I pushed Brian back slightly and sat up so my back rested against the headboard, our hips pressed flush together. He bit his lip and pulled the shirt I wore off quickly, I gripped my hands on his waist and groaned as he grinded his hips roughly against mine. The sensation causing my cock to grow hard, painfully so as Brian bit roughly on my neck.

“Brian, I'm not gonna last long” It was the truth, I never felt the need to jerk off so I was sure I would cum before my pants were even off.  
“I'll do all the work then” Before I could question what he meant, I was pinned down on the bed, my pants and boxers thrown haphazardly behind me somewhere. 

I opened my mouth to ask Brian what he was doing before my eyes rolled back into my head the moment his mouth was on the head of my cock sucking hard. It was an intense feeling, Val was always too afraid to really give me head, but Brian? He wasn't afraid, he was confident in what he was doing and that made the sensation more intense.

“No, wait” I gripped Brian's hair and pulled him off my cock with a tiny whimper, the pleasure coursing through my body.  
“Tell me what you want, you can have it” Brian's voice was deep and sultry, god I couldn't get enough of it.  
“I want to fuck you” I knew this moment could go very badly or amazingly, I was hoping for the latter.  
“You're lucky I have lube” Brian sat up and pushed off his pajama bottoms and boxers, his body was absolutely beautiful in the moonlight. Man I sounded really sappy just looking at my best friend.

I sat up and watched Brian grab a small bottle of lube out from the nightstand, wait a minute, wasn't he going to get a condom? He squirted a generous amount of the slick substance onto his hands and rubbed it over my achingly hard cock, I couldn't help the hiss that escaped. Brian bit his lip softly and straddled my waist, taking a deep breath before he lowered his body onto my cock. The tightness and scorching heat of his body had me gasping for air, I wouldn't be able to last at all if this is how great Brian felt. I gripped his hips and moaned loudly as he began to grind his hips down on mine. I couldn't pick a sensation to focus on, I locked my eyes with Brian's and felt the world crumble beneath me. White hot heat flashed in front of my eyes as Brian let out a low scream, his body tightening more than I thought possible. Leaning my head back I took slow deep breaths, my bones had turned into liquid inside of my body. Brian laid with his head against my chest, his breathing slow as he traced the tattoos strewn across my arm. My brain had turned to mush, I was trying to learn how to work my arms and legs again.

“I love you, I want you to know that I still cared about you guys when I left. I never forgot about any of you” I wrapped my arms tight around Brian and sobbed. My emotions were hitting me all at once, it was as if I was comatose before this moment. I needed to show them that I did care, even when I was gone for so long.  
“We know Matt, we're just glad to have you back” Brian lifted his head and smiled, his eyes tired.  
“I think I denied my feelings for so long because I was afraid, but there's something you need to know. I'll tell Johnny and Zack soon enough but I need to tell you first” This was my make it or break it moment, now or never.  
“Anything, I'll listen” Brian rubbed my cheek gently and winced slightly as he pulled off of me.  
“Jimmy and I were together, before Val and I officially got together when the band made it big, we were going to make it public but he could see that I was developing feelings for Val so he pulled away. He didn't want to hold me back from someone that could one day give me children, that I could spend the rest of my life with. Someone that wasn't him, even if it was tearing him apart inside” I stopped and sighed softly.  
“So the day I found out he had passed I was so distraught that I blamed myself, if I hadn't of gotten with Val he'd still be here, it's all my fault that he's dead. I was the fucking reason he was found that morning by Zack, it should've been me to find him” Tears were running down my cheeks, Brian was silent as his hand stayed pressed against my cheek.  
“Don't blame yourself, he passed away because it was his time. I know he was young but god wanted him and he got him” Brian pressed his lips softly against mine, his lips trembling in the slightest. I kissed back before pulling away.  
“Brian, why are you not shocked? I just admitted to dating our best friend before I threw it away to be with someone who didn't care about me enough to wait? You waited for me longer than she did” I choked on a sob and gripped his waist tighter, the memories Jimmy and I had together flooding my mind all at once, it was too painful to remember him.  
“Because I know that you cared about him as much as the rest of us did, if not a little more, but it wasn't your fault Matt, Jimmy's time had come and there was nothing any of us could do about it” Brian wiped my cheeks gently and kissed my forehead. His body staying close to my own.

Maybe he was right, but I would always feel as if it was my fault. Shaking the thoughts from my head I pulled Brian down so we were lying against the bed. A content sigh slipping past his lips as we cuddled together, his body pressed tight against my own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i just posted this yesterday but i had been writing since this morning and felt really inspired to continue writing so enjoy this  
> i probably won't get anything else up for at least a week because of work but i want to make this as amazing as i can  
> let me know what you guys think!


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a few months since moving in with Brian and things were great, I was feeling inspiration to write all the time, I was spending time with the guys. And I had gained back almost all of the weight I lost, everything was great. Except for one small detail. Brian wanted me to visit Jimmy's grave and pay my respects since I wasn't there for the funeral. The thought of seeing the headstone tore my stomach apart, could I really go and not make a scene? Brian parked his car and looked over at me, his eyes full of worry. I had to do this though, if I wanted to move on. I stepped out of the car and followed Brian over to where his grave was, the dark stone shined in the bright sunlight. The letters taunting me as I read them slowly, he was so young.

“He still loves you, even if you dealt with the loss differently” Brian held his hand on my shoulder, I was glad to have him by my side for moral support.  
“He couldn't hate any of us if he tried, I still remember when he tried to kiss Zack after a really long night at the bar” I couldn't help but chuckle, Jimmy kept us all sane when we were ready to rip each others throats out.  
“Zack would've totally kissed him, he just had his eyes on other people” Brian whispered grabbing my arm, I leant down and left the small rose I bought before we made the drive.

It was one of the first things I ever got him when we were dating, and he had loved it. He would always point them out when we would tour on the road, the thought warmed my heart. Even if he wasn't by my side anymore, he was always going to be in my heart, and on my skin.

“I want to get a tattoo for him” I looked down at Brian, Jimmy deserved to be remembered.  
“Did you have something in mind?” Brian turned and lead us back down to his car, the wind picked up slightly. It sent a small shiver down my spine.  
“Not yet, I'll think of something though” I wrapped my arm around his waist and looked up at the sky. Their were hardly any clouds, I felt my lips pull up into a smile. Things were starting to finally look up.

Things between Brian and I were fantastic, I hadn't told Zack or Johnny about our relationship yet, I wanted both of us to feel comfortable enough to announce it. I got my wish when we arrived home, Brian crawled into my lap and cuddled into my chest, the warmth from his skin warming me up.

“I want to tell them everything, not just us being together” I rubbed my hands along his back slowly, I wasn't even sure if Brian was awake.  
“I can call them over now if you want” Brian lifted his head and rested his chin against my shoulder.  
“That'd be great, I don't want them thinking I have to keep secrets” I gripped Brian's hair gently and smirked at the small noise he made. He loved his hair being pulled. And fortunately I was the only one who knew about it.

Brian kissed my neck gently and smirked, we needed to get dressed before he made any phone calls but I didn't feel the need to move. Actually, I couldn't feel my legs at all to be able to move.

“You know, the reason we're in this situation is because you can't keep your hands to yourself” I pulled Brian's waist closer to my own and chuckled, his eyes were dark with lust as he straddled my waist.  
“They can wait until we're done” Brian said as he kissed down my chest.  
“Discussion first and then sex, you'll thank me later”I gently pushed Brian back as I sat up, he pouted slightly and stood up to grab his clothes.

Brian called over Johnny and Zack as I got dressed, the fear of rejection was setting in as I watched the clock tick on, what would they even say? I mean how would anyone react to their best friend disappearing for over two years and then falling in love with one of their other best friends? It sounded even crazier the more I thought about it. They didn't knock as they waltzed inside, laughing loudly as they stopped in the living room. Zack's eyes narrowed in the slightest, as if he could sense Brian and I had been having sex no more than an hour before.

“So what's going on? Brian sounded upset when he called” Zack sat down on the couch opposite from me, I felt my face fall in the slightest. Did I really make Brian that upset? I hadn't meant to.  
“I just want you guys to listen, this has been weighing on me for years” I took a deep breath, fear was racing through my veins.  
“Back when we were all young, Jimmy and I had started dating, we didn't tell anyone because it was a very touchy subject and I didn't want him to deal with any backlash” I looked down at my hands and frowned.  
“We were together for years, and around the time we planned to tell you guys I developed feelings for Val, they were nowhere near the feelings I had for him but he could see I loved someone else. He didn't want to hold me back from being with someone I could possibly marry and have children with so we decided to part ways. The breakup was clean, we didn't hate each other, not that we'd really have a choice anyway. But he was ecstactic when he could see things look up for Val and I, he was proud of me. But when I got the call that he had passed away I blamed myself, if I hadn't chose Val over him he could've still been alive, hell he would still be alive if it wasn't for me” I stopped and bit my lip, tears were streaming down my cheeks in little rivers.  
“You guys all saw how that went for me, but I'm sorry for hiding like a scared little boy. I wanted to be open and honest about everything, Brian and I have been together for a few months as well. I just can't keep secrets anymore” I looked up slowly at the shock, hurt, and anger that ran across their features. This was it, the end of what would be two more friendships.  
“Matt, you're our best friend and you should know you can tell us anything” Zack stood up and walked over before plopping down next to me.

The air in the room felt thick, as if there was more to a story I hadn't heard. I was just too afraid to ask and make things awkward.

“Well, why don't you tell me about your fiance Johnny?” If I was going to be a good friend I should at least know more about my friends and what happened while I was gone.  
“Oh, he's sitting right next to you” My heart dropped into my stomach, he was engaged to Zack? Did I hear that right?  
“You guys are engaged? When in the world did you start dating?” I asked shocked, Zack had a grin on his face.  
“Right before you proposed to Val, we didn't want to tell you at first because you were enjoying the high of just getting engaged” Zack patted my shoulder lightly and chuckled.  
“I..how did I not notice something like that?” I shook my head as Brian walked back into the living room, his hands cupped around a mug.  
“We weren't flaunting it every chance we got, we just told people very slowly, but by the time we were about to tell you, you disappeared” Zack frowned and played with the ring that was on his finger, how could I not notice something like that?  
“I'm really sorry guys, I would've been supportive if I had known. You'd have every right to kick my ass if I wasn't” I rubbed Brian's legs lightly as he threw them across my lap, his feet just barely inches from Zack.  
“Well you know now and that's all that matters” Zack screwed his nose up as Brian put his feet into his lap, typical Brian to ruin a good moment.

We spent the afternoon talking about Zack's clothing line, past memories of Johnny and Zack's relationship, and the little things I had missed from when I had been gone. A daunting reminder came crashing down when I remembered that we hadn't put out an album since 2007. I had written more than enough material to be able to record another album, it was just the thought of talking to our manager about everything that scared me. I brought it up to Zack, who confessed that they actually released an album when I was gone. It was called Nightmare, and since the only things missing were drum parts they didn't need me to finish anything. But what about all the magazines that would ask questions? You can't just release an album and stay quiet for two years.

Unless you're Avenged Sevenfold apparently. Brian turned it on so I could hear the finished product, and if I was going to be honest it sounded amazing. That was until the song Fiction came on, I had completely forgotten about that song. Jimmy's voice sounded so empty, it was his goodbye letter to us and we didn't open our eyes until it was too late. The lyrics worked their way into my skin until I could feel the emotion, the day we had recorded that song Jimmy didn't want to let go. He did anyway, and it was too late to do anything now. I squeezed Brian's side at the end of the song, it was going to be a while before I ever listened to that song again.

“It took a while for anyone to listen to it, trust me” Brian rubbed my neck lightly and set his mug down, it wasn't that the song was bad. It was just being reminded of him when I hadn't mourned wasn't the best idea.  
“His deathbat, on my right hand” I needed Jimmy permanently on my skin, and if it meant getting a tattoo in a place I never thought I would then so be it.  
“You can set up an appointment whenever you want to” Brian held the back of my neck and kissed me softly, I cupped his cheek and kissed back with fervor. 

I would've laid Brian on the couch and ripped off his clothes if Johnny and Zack still hadn't been there, I never really liked an audience. It clicked then, there was something I hadn't gotten the chance to ask Brian without coming off as creeped out, so if he took it that way now then he'd look pretty stupid.

“Brian, the first night we hooked up, you jumped straight into it without a second thought. Have you been with other guys before?” Okay, maybe it didn't sound as bad as my anxiety made it seem.  
“Only one, but that was before I was with Michelle” Brian's eyes glanced over to someone I hadn't been expecting. Johnny?

I nodded and laid back against the couch, even though I learned way more about my friends than I was definitely ready for. My mind was going through so many thoughts, none of them were good and some were downright wrong. 

“I'm sorry it's just eating me alive, you're telling me that Johnny topped?” Brian's eyes widened as Johnny choked on the drink he was sipping on. So maybe I was wrong to ask.  
“Yes, he did. I'm just surprised you asked that so suddenly” I shook my head slightly and muttered a quiet 'sorry'. It wasn't everyday I heard that two of my friends were hooking up before I started dating one of them. Then again I did the same thing behind their backs.

Brian chuckled and wrapped his arms around my neck, Zack helped comfort Johnny who was trying to catch his breath still. Everything felt so normal, there were no secrets between any of us and I couldn't be happier, nothing could ruin this moment.


	4. 4

I had scheduled my first interview with a local radio station, and to say I was nervous was definitely an understatement. I was terrified of any backlash I was going to receive. You don't just hide away for two years and expect everyone to just act like nothing ever happened.

“So, what's been going on behind the scenes? What the fans don't see?” The radio host clearly wanted to know why we released an album with no interviews, no tour, absolutely nothing.  
“We just sort of struggled with some things after the death of our best friend, and we didn't feel like we could go right back on stage and play in front of thousands of fans” I shrugged lightly and felt Brian's fingers graze my leg, I just wanted this to be over.  
“It's understandable, you guys lost a best friend. What are your plans now?” To learn the fucking lyrics before I go on tour with a new drummer so I don't embarrass myself maybe?  
“Oh we're planning some things now, but we can't leak any details yet” Which means that we have absolutely no idea and I'm not telling our fans that.  
“Well you heard it here first guys, M. Shadows and Synyster Gates from Avenged Sevenfold are keeping it under tight wraps for now” Brian and I quickly left, I had an important appointment to attend to, one where I wouldn't get questioned every five seconds. 

Brian was as supportive as he could have been given the circumstances, no one but our very close friends knew we were together, and I wasn't out and proud as it was. The sound of the tattoo gun was a nice reminder of why I was there. It would be a reminder of who he was, even if he couldn't be with us today he'd be with me permanently. Brian rested his hand against my shoulder and smiled softly, he had reconciled with Michelle a few weeks after my arrival. It went better than expected, Val had blown off steam and introduced me to the man she called her husband. He seemed nice enough, treated her well and made sure she was always happy. Even if I couldn't do that for her. I had Brian though, and he definitely made me happier.

“Zack's paranoid, he keeps thinking that his parents are going to be angry with him at the wedding since he won't let them help out” Brian had thrown his legs over my lap and yawned deeply, his eyes focused on the television.  
“They're gonna love him no matter what, he should just worry about finishing up before the wedding date” I played with the small hairs at the base of Brian's neck and smiled. I wonder if Brian would ever want to marry me?  
“That's what I keep telling him, he just keeps worrying like an old woman” Brian shivered slightly and turned to face me, his eyes glistening in the soft light.  
“Would you ever marry me?” I felt the words slip out before I could stop myself, I didn't want him to think I was asking solely because our best friends were getting married to each other.  
“Matt? Are you asking me to marry you?” Brian pushed himself up slightly, shock and awe across his features.  
“I mean, maybe one day?” I felt like I was digging myself into a hole, this was not going to end well.  
“Yes, I would love to marry you one day” Brian laid down against my side and sighed softly, now I felt like a real dick for even asking.

The time seemed to move slowly as we laid across the long couch, even if my legs were almost hanging off the side due to Brian wanting to lay on top of me. Both the dogs were asleep in their beds, and the sound of the waves crashing in the distance slowly lulled me to sleep.

“Matty, it's time to wake up” I could hear a soft voice calling my name but my eyes refused to open.  
“Still sleeping” I mumbled tiredly, I doubt it made sense to whomever was trying to talk to me.  
“Come on, Brian's expecting us at his house” That made me open my eyes suddenly. Jimmy was smiling back at me from the foot of what used to be my bed.  
“What?” I rubbed my face and sat up slowly, what was going on? Wasn't I just at Brian's house on his couch?  
“Get dressed so we can go, it's already late enough” I glanced over at the clock that now read one pm.  
“Give me a minute please” Jimmy nodded and walked off to the bathroom, leaving me more confused and heartbroken than ever.

I stood from the bed and pulled on the clothes that Jimmy had left for me, a pair of jeans and a Metallica shirt. It was one of his favorite ones I wore. I left the room and walked down to the bathroom where Jimmy was, when I opened the door I was met with his body lying on the floor. Pale, and cold as ice. Oh god this couldn't be happening, what was going on? He was just talking to me not even two minutes ago and now he was dead? I ran over and picked up his body gently, tears streaming down my cheeks, why did this have to happen?

“He'll forgive you, in due time” I looked up at a dark cloaked figure, I could only describe it as Death.  
“Please bring him back, I can't live without him” My voice cracked from the strain, sobs wracked through my body in harsh waves.  
“In due time” The figure lifted a large scythe and swung it down where I was holding Jimmy's body.

I lunged forward panting harshly, sweating covering my chest in a light sheen. Brian was asleep curled up next to me in our bed. It was just a nightmare? Jimmy was still gone and I had to witness it all over again. If I had been there for him, he would've been fine. It's all my fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's so short, i haven't really had time to write and my writers block has been super bad, so i hope you enjoy this chapter!


	5. 5

Brian rolled over and threw and arm across my waist, snoring loudly as he did. I hadn't been able to fall back asleep after that dream, or nightmare. Whatever it was had ingrained itself into my very core, it wanted me to hurt. I was too afraid to tell Brian about the nightmare though, what if he began to think I'd fall back into my old habits? I couldn't leave again, I couldn't do that to them.

“I had a dream about Jimmy” I mumbled softly, I wasn't entirely sure if Brian had heard me or not, until I felt his body stiffen next to me.  
“That's why you woke up panting so early this morning, I was hoping it was about Val” Brian's voice sounded torn, as if I wasn't the only one who dreamt about him.  
“I wish I had too” I rubbed my face and groaned loudly, it hit me then. It was the third anniversary since his death, how could I forget something like that?

I sat up more, my body shaking as the realization hit me. I still hadn't truly mourned since I was now home, it felt wrong to me. How could I mourn someone I loved? Someone who meant the world to me at one point, and one of my best friends. I didn't want to mourn, I wanted to remember him being full of life and happy. See his bright smile early in the day when I'd rather be asleep in my bed than being awake. He always knew how to cheer everyone up that way. Things were different and I refused to believe everything had changed. I was still naive and young, I was supposed to live out my days with my best friends by my side, and my partner. We were supposed to all grow old together and make fun of each other. Except, Jimmy would be doing that from heaven, not while he was sitting with us.

“It felt wrong to Zack and I too, Johnny sort of shut himself out for a couple days on the first anniversary. He wouldn't want you to hold onto the pain” Brian propped himself up slightly and looked up at me with a soft smile, I knew where he was coming from. 

Jimmy and him were closer than any of us. It didn't matter that I shared a bed with Jimmy at one point in my life. He was my first true love, the person I gave everything too and received everything back in return. I threw away two years because I was selfish, I wanted to pretend things were fine. My best friends mourned the loss and moved on, they accepted the fate and did what they could to be happy again. My friends deserved better than me, but I had to do better for them, for Jimmy. I wanted to be better for Brian.

~~~ 

Things definitely weren't going the way I expected, Brian handed me his cellphone with a phone number dialed, and he of course refused to tell me who it was until I pressed call. That turned into an extremely awkward and tear filled phone call with my mother, I truly was a horrible son. My dad gave me an earful of how I hurt her, and scared them all half to death. I then broke the news about Brian and I being together, which went better than I anticipated. They were probably just happy to hear I was alive and well.

I had to show everyone I was alive and well, I couldn't be afraid of anything anymore. And what better way to do that than to post a video on our youtube. It felt like I was giving everyone an excuse, 'oh I disappeared for two years because I'm a piece of shit'. Yeah that wouldn't work out really well.

“Hey everyone, M. Shadows here with a little video to explain our absence. As you know we lost our best friend and drummer The Rev, we were taking off this time to truly mourn the loss and come together stronger” I took a deep breath and wrung my hands together. My nerves were getting the best of me.  
“We're hoping to be back on tour very soon, you guys deserve it and we all know Jimmy would want it, so be on the look out for that, bye” I smiled and waved to the camera as Brian hit the record button. I didn't even want to rewatch the footage, it needed to uploaded.

Brian sent the file to Larry who nervously approved the footage and uploaded the video. I felt tempted to look at the comments and see what nasty shit people had to say. We'd get through it, and go on a mind blowing tour, and meet more fans than we ever had before. I was determined to make it up to them, they were the ones supporting us even when we were unsure what was going to happen to us. While I paced in the kitchen nervously Brian decided the only thing that would help calm me down would be sex, which lead to him being pressed against the counter.

“You're mine, no one else's” I growled in his ear as I grinded my cock inside of his tight heat.  
“Yes Matty” Brian panted as he struggled to grip the counter, his body tightening even more.  
“Guys! Larry called about doing a tour next...Umm” Zack and Johnny stopped in the doorway to the kitchen, their jaws dropped to the floor.  
“Seriously? He was just getting me off you guys!” Brian yelled as he pushed himself up more and glared at Zack.  
“How can you even take him? He's huge!” Zack said bewildered, his eyes darting from one spot to the next.

Brian glared harder which caused Zack to grab Johnny's arm and run out to the den, at least we could get some privacy.

“You know I'm not going to let them ruin my mood right?” I pushed my hips closer to his and smirked at the whimper he let out.

The rough slap of hips, the desperate push and pull is what set Brian over the edge first, a high thin cry leaving his lips as he came in his hand. Less messy that way. I pushed deep and growled low as I came, panting heavily while Brian smiled, he was truly beautiful. I pulled out slowly and kissed slowly up his spine til I reached his cheek, he chuckled and kissed my chin.

“Now let's go see what those two assholes wanted” I said with a groan.

Helping Brian clean up was the easy part, the hard part was going to be seeing Zack and Johnny after that incident, I didn't need them talking about my dick.

“So what were you trying to talk to us about?” I plopped onto the couch and pulled Brian into my lap, he wrapped his arms around my neck quickly.  
“Larry wants to schedule a tour for March, but we don't have a drummer” Zack was looking between Brian and I, as if we had all the answers he needed.  
“We can't just hit someone up and ask them to drum for us dude” I shook my head, was he crazy?  
“Why don't we have people audition? We can see if people have what it takes to keep up with us” Zack shrugged slightly, it wasn't that bad of an idea.  
“Let's do it” We just needed to call Larry and have him set it up.

I just hoped we weren't making a bad decision.


	6. 6

It had been over seven hours and not one person seemed to really fit, they were either too inexperienced or they seemed too cocky. And that wasn't the type of person we wanted in our band, even if they were just going to fill in for a couple of tours and then go on their way.

“I'm sending in the last guy, don't be too hard on him okay?” Larry had a smile on his face that worried me, it wasn't going to be another kid was it?

And it wasn't, it was Brooks from Bad Religion. I felt my jaw drop open suddenly, he was going to audition for our band? I had to be dreaming. He sat down and played whatever Brian asked him too, and damn if he didn't do it really well. There was no way we could pick anyone else, he was going to be an honorary member of Avenged Sevenfold.

~~~~~~ 

“Baby, relax please” Brian was currently giving me a back massage and I couldn't help but twitch and groan every time he was able to get a knot out of my back.  
“You and your damn magic fingers I swear” I groaned loud as Brian massaged deeper into a particular tight knot. I had that one since I was living on the street.  
“God, I was working on that same knot since last time, are you sure your back isn't too fucked up?” Brian scooted down and smoothed his hands up from my lower back to my shoulders. I could've damn well came from that alone.  
“Not anymore” I mumbled as my grip on the couch loosened, he could knock me out cold if he wanted to and there was nothing I'd be able to do about it.  
“Hey, I have something I want to give to you” Brian stood up and ran down to our bedroom, he wasn't normally someone to give gifts out of the blue.

I sat up and relaxed into the cushions, he really was a miracle worker.

“Close your eyes” Brian had his hands held tightly behind his back, a small smile gracing his lips.

I rolled my eyes before I closed them, holding out my hands nervously. He sat down next to me and placed something small into my hand. I opened my eyes slowly and gasped softly, it held a ring. Nothing to showy or over the top, a simple band.

“I know we haven't really been together for a while, but it just felt so right” Brian took the ring and held my hand, I could feel the sweat from his.  
“Matt, will you marry me?” He looked absolutely terrified, as if I could ever say no to him.  
“Yes, of course” I smiled and kissed him as he sat there stunned, his arms wrapping tightly around my neck as we kissed on the couch.

I could definitely get used to this forever.

“Hey assholes” Zack walked in with Johnny by his side and raised an eyebrow as we tried to quickly detangle ourselves. Just because they knew we were together doesn't mean we need an audience.  
“Seriously? Do you always feel the need to barge in unannounced?” Brian slipped the ring onto my finger without either of them seeing it. It deserved to be a surprise.  
“Considering you two fuck more than most rabbits, yes I do” Zack smirked and chuckled as Brian flipped him off and sighed. The sex could wait til later, I'd make it up to him.

~~~~~ 

We spent the day drinking and sharing our favorite stories about Jimmy, there were still tears but they weren't always sad. Zack still had some of his things in his house, as a reminder of who Jimmy once was. Brian laid his head against my shoulder and smiled, the ring on my finger kept catching my eye.

“Brian and I got engaged” I blurted out, I was never really good at keeping secrets.  
“Damn, that was fast” Johnny smacked the back of Zack's head and muttered something too low for Brian or I to hear. Were we rushing into it? Or was I just being my paranoid self?  
“Congrats you guys, I know you're really happy together” Johnny finished his beer and set the bottle down, keeping his eyes on Zack.  
“Yeah, congrats guys” Zack held his glass up as a way to cheers us.

Our tour was beginning to creep up on us and I wasn't sure how to truly feel about it, on one hand I was excited to go out and see the fans. On the other hand I was terrified of being booed off the stage and seeing more angry fans than happy ones. Our fans were like family, they'd forgive us even if we felt as if we didn't deserve it. I could feel Brian's fingers slowly trail along my shoulders, it felt great knowing I would have the love of my life by my side through all of it. Of course we weren't going to tell our fans right away about our relationship, we didn't feel it was necessary. I noticed Zack staring at me, was he trying to talk to me and I hadn't noticed? 

“Brian should've moved on when you didn't show up” Zack's eyes were cold, anger across his features.  
“Zack!” Johnny yelled as he stood up and roughly gripped Zack's arm.  
“He waited for you for months, and you never fucking showed up. He deserves someone who isn't going to abandon him when he needs them most” Zack stood up and pulled his arm from Johnny's grip before he walked out of the house, slamming the door as he did.

Johnny yelled a quick sorry as he ran after Zack. Brian and I stayed silent as we both stared at the door. Zack was right though, Brian deserved way better than me. He deserved someone who would love him unconditionally and help him through hard times instead of running away and hiding.

“Please don't listen to him, I can't lose you again Matt” Brian held my hands tight as he looked at me. Tears were slowly streaming down his cheeks, I was a shitty friend, and I was turning into an even shittier fiance.   
“He's right Brian, you really do deserve better” I looked up at him slowly and frowned, his hands held my face tight.  
“I love you damnit! I don't want anyone else but you!” He was pleading with me at this point.  
“I'm not going to leave Brian, I promise” I held my hands over his and frowned, I'd just have to put some distance between Zack and I for now. At least until the tour started.

I didn't need to prove to him I wasn't going to hurt Brian, I hurt him before I was even back around. I just needed to prove to myself that I was going to be good enough for Brian. And that wasn't going to be easy. We still had to break the news to our friends that we were together, and engaged.

“I'd wait by my phone for hours on end, hoping you were going to call or even send a text” Brian had laid himself against me, his hands balled into fists. I opened my mouth to speak but thought better to let him get it all out.  
“Zack said I was crazy, why should I wait for someone that disappeared without a trace? Why should I have feelings for this person?” He stopped and chuckled softly, loosening his hands.  
“But then we saw you, and it was like none of it ever mattered, granted you looked and smelled absolutely horrible but you were still you. Still the same Matt that would put me in a headlock if I tried to be a smartass and call you an asshole.” He stopped and narrowed his eyes slightly, as if he was struggling to find his words.  
“After Jimmy passed away I vowed to not let life hold me back, Michelle didn't like that one bit. She got mad at how much I was drinking and going out with Zack and Johnny. How much I was worrying about you, she was actually the one who figured out my feelings were deeper” Brian pushed himself up and locked eyes with my own, the deep chocolate seemed to be glowing in the soft light from the sun. God how could I be so blind?  
“I can't even imagine where we'd be if we hadn't of found you that day, I know I wouldn't of found someone else. Zack insisted I did but when I refused he got angry, it's my life and I'll live it the way I please” I smiled softly and kissed him.

I wasn't trying to shut him up, I was falling more in love than I thought possible. Sure we had been friends for years but this was different. I was seeing a side of him I hadn't seen in years. I was seeing the broken shell of a man he was when we lost Jimmy. And yet, I didn't think I could love him anymore than I did. We knew everything about each other and none of it mattered. What mattered was seeing him become happy.

“I love you Brian, and I want you to know nothing Zack, or Johnny say will ever change my mind” I wiped his cheeks and pressed my forehead against his. His breathing had slowed slightly to prevent anymore sobs.  
“I love you too Matt, more than anything in this world” Brian chuckled softly and wrapped his arms around my neck. 

I pulled him flush against my chest and laid down on the couch, as much as I would love engagement sex we needed to take the time and just relax together. We were always worrying about something, whether it be the tour or how fans were going to react to seeing us together. It was time for us to just take a few minutes and not let any of it bother us. Just enjoy each other and remember who we were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for another short chapter, but this one is definitely better than the last one!  
> let me know what you guys think!


	7. 7

“Matt please help me put it up, I'm begging you at this point” I was sitting in the recliner watching Brian struggle to put up a banner for New Years. I couldn't get over how great his ass looked in those tight black jeans, I was struggling to even form words let alone thoughts.  
“Brian if I go over there we won't finish decorating before our friends get here” I sipped my drink slowly and watched the dark glare pass over his features.  
“Matt, all I have to do is straddle you and you'll fuck me into that couch over there” Brian smirked as I tried to suppress my groan. That man knew just how to get me hot but not to the point where other people would notice.  
“If you want to have people angry that the door is locked for three hours then fine, get over here” I set my drink down and sat up more.

Brian raised his eyebrow as he successfully pinned up the banner, stepping down off the step stool slowly as to not hurt himself like he had done before. Of course I would be more than tempted to cancel the party entirely and have him all to myself, but our friends were coming over and I couldn't do that to them.

“As much as I love you baby, I think Zack would kill me if I made him wait” Brian plopped into my lap and sighed softly. A small smile gracing his lips as he looked around the room.

I rubbed his back slowly and relaxed into the chair, we could worry about everything later. Zack would be worried about Johnny drinking too much like usual, and I'm sure Brian would be pranking him the entire night. I was definitely in for a show tonight.

 

~~~~~~~ 

“You like that don't you?” I growled into Brian's ear as I grinded my cock inside of him, the moan he let out was so dirty.  
“Fuck Matt, just fuck me into the couch already” Brian had tried to reach back and grab my hips but I had his hands held behind his back so I was in control.  
“How do you ask?” I pushed my hips closer to his and chuckled at his soft whine.  
“Matty please!” I thrust my hips roughly, gripping his waist hard enough to leave bruises on his gorgeous hips. I couldn't ever get over how gorgeous he was from head to toe.

Whether he was wearing one of my shirts, or nothing at all he was gorgeous. The groans were what pushed me over the edge first, Brian not too far behind as he moaned my name. His skin covered in a sheen of sweat as he collapsed against the couch, groaning about his arms feeling like jello. I patted his thighs and sat back, we had at least twenty minutes before anyone would arrive. It gave me enough time to shower but Brian always took forever unless I demanded he hurry his ass up. And that's how we got into the situation we did.

“We wash off, get dressed, and don't tell any of our guests we fucked before they got here” I looked at Brian, who looked ready to fall asleep on the couch.  
“Deal” Brian pushed himself up off the couch and walked down to the bathroom that was closest, granted we'd have to run upstairs to get dressed but if it woke him up, then perfect.

I stood and watched Brian pull on his clothes, I still couldn't get over how truly lucky I was to be with someone so amazing. I put him through hell and he waited for me while everyone else was sure I had either died, or left state. He had seen me at my most fragile state and stayed by my side, helped me to overcome everything in my past and yet here we were. We were newly engaged, permanently living together since I was finally about to sell my house, and we'd be touring again very soon. Life was really looking up for us.

Everyone arrived for the party, there were some faces I wasn't expecting to see, like my parents and Brian's parents. I was more excited to see my mom than anything. My dad noticed the engagement ring before anything, he wasn't really happy about that. He wanted Brian to at least ask for his blessing first. I turned to look where Brian was and blushed, his dad had basically interrogated him into finding out he proposed. I'd give papa gates some time before I intercepted my fiance so we could enjoy our party.

“Babe, why don't you make yourself a drink and come onto the porch with me?” I wrapped my arms around Brian's waist while he typed out an email on his phone. He seemed oddly focused.  
“Once I finish this I will, my dad was being a real hardass about why I didn't talk to him or your dad about everything” Brian shook his head and hit send. Pinching the bridge of his nose tightly between his finger and thumb.  
“Come on, it's our party and we deserve to enjoy at least five minutes to ourselves” I grabbed both of his hands and pulled him onto the porch, surprisingly no one else was outside but us.

The stars were bright, giving us a soft light to see each others expressions. I could get lost in Brian's eyes without a single care in the world, they showed all of his emotions without him needing to speak. If he was having a bad day I would do things to make him feel better without him realizing I was doing anything. I liked to be subtle so he could appreciate the thought and enjoy it. He wasn't your average Joe, even though he was a rockstar in a band, he was still a person. He had emotions, he felt loss, heartbreak, love. He lost his best friend too young, and almost lost the love of his life.

God I was beginning to sound so cheesy just thinking about him, except I didn't care. Brian was the only person I felt I could open up to without a second thought, the man who saw me truly break down into the scared little boy I was inside. It felt like the day he found me, was meant to be. Why else would Zack and Brian go to a theater that was almost an hour away from Brian's house if it wasn't for them to find me? If it wasn't for Brian to be able to help me become the person I was today?

“You thinking real hard babe? Smokes about to come out of your ears” Brian smiled and rubbed my cheek, the pad of his thumb running along my cheekbone.  
“I'm only thinking about how much I love you, and how if it weren't for you and Zack seeing some shitty movie I'd still be in that alleyway, or worse” I didn't want to go into too much detail and upset Brian, tonight was supposed to be a happy night.  
“Something kept telling me to go to that theater, Zack whined the entire time too because their popcorn isn't as good but I knew” His eyes watered in the slightest, it was a mutual feeling at the moment.  
“Well I'm glad you put up with his whining just to find me” I kissed him softly and wrapped my arms tight around his waist. I wasn't entirely sure why I was feeling so emotional, it must've been the new year coming in that made me realize how important everyone in my life was.

His lips moved slowly against mine as we began to sway, the music from inside the house had shifted from something upbeat to a soft melody. Even if it wasn't intentional, it was much appreciated. Brian pulled away from the kiss and laid his head against my chest as we danced, it felt so right with him in my arms. Our families were happy for us, our friends were excited to see us grow together. It was showing the fans who we were that was tearing me up inside. I was afraid they would attack us on a personal level, I didn't care if they stopped listening to the music, but if they messed with any of us the gloves would be off. I had to hide my life away for years and I was done doing just that. Larry knew everything and he accepted us, made a joke about saving money on hotel rooms for everyone.

“Come on guys, the ball is starting to drop!” Zack ran out to the porch excitedly, he was definitely drunk from the expression on his face.  
“Let's go in, it's getting a little chilly anyway” I kept my arm around his waist as we went inside to watch the ball drop and announce the new year.

Everyone watched the screen intently, counting down each number slowly. And then it was midnight, everyone cheered with happiness and excitement. I grabbed Brian's face and kissed him. I could feel a smile on his lips as he kissed back. There was so much commotion that I didn't notice my mom trying to hug me, or my dad hugging Brian and whispering something to him that I couldn't hear. I'd definitely ask him about that later when we finally went to bed. Zack and Johnny were snuggled in their own little corner enjoying a bottle of wine. Figures. 

“Happy new year, to the most amazing man I could ever ask for” Brian grabbed his glass of wine and held it up, smiling brightly.  
“And happy new year, to the man who helped me become who I am today and more” I clinked my glass gently with his and kissed him. I could taste the wine on his lips, it was sweet, almost bitter.

Once the night grew on and everyone began to say their goodbyes and leave I noticed Brian had wandered off to our bedroom. He had changed into a pair of sweatpants, forgoing a shirt as it was “too much to handle”. I shook my head and changed into a pair of pajama pants and crawled into the bed beside him, yawning loudly as I did.

“So, what do you think this year is going to bring?” Brian rolled onto his side to face me, tracing my chest tattoo lightly with his fingers.  
“Two weddings, children, and a kickass tour” I mumbled watching Brian's fingers trail down to the tattoo on my stomach.  
“I can't wait to marry you, I've been thinking about it since we found you” Brian slid his hand so it wrapped around my waist and cuddled into my side.  
“I know, but for now we're both tired so let's get some sleep” I gently ran my fingers through his hair and listened to his content mumbling. He always loved his hair being played with.  
“I love you Matt” Brian clenched his fingers against my side, slowly drifting off to sleep.  
“I love you too Brian, always and forever” I turned off the bedside lamp and got comfortable.

As I laid there thinking about how much my life had changed, I wouldn't of done anything different, yeah I fucked up everything because one of my best friends had died but it lead me to Brian. And without him I don't think I would've been around to see the world much longer. He was truly my heart and soul and I didn't realize it until reality kicked me in the face. So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to runaway, after all. It lead me to him.

FIN


	8. 8

This was it, Brian and I were standing behind Johnny and Zack as they read their vows. I'll admit, I definitely teared up a little bit. It was crazy watching them get married, Brian and I had said fuck it and eloped since it was less of a hassle. Our families understood we didn't want something elaborate, and actually encouraged us into getting eloped. It was a nice change of pace for once. I kept glancing over at Brian and smiling, he looked so gorgeous in his tux. Zack had basically dragged Brian to get a tux while Johnny and I got ours somewhere else. Said something about keeping tradition so Johnny wasn't allowed to see him before the wedding at all.

“I now pronounce you Mr. and Mr. Baker, you may kiss your husband” The JOP stood back as Johnny and Zack shared their first kiss as a married couple, at least theirs was more romantic than ours. Can't really be romantic when you have to kiss in front of a judge. 

They made their way down the aisle, their faces nearly glowing with happiness. Brian and I followed suit, linking our arms before we headed into one of the side rooms so they could take pictures together with their families before the wedding party did. Michelle had pouted when she wasn't able to be in the wedding due to being pregnant. She had offered to be our surrogate while Val was Johnny and Zack's surrogate. She wasn't very far along in the pregnancy compared to her sister who had just hit eight months. Of course she was more than happy to carry our child for us, she was just excited for it all to be over with.

“I gotta say, you look stunning babe” I wiped off Brian's jacket as we headed out to join Zack and Johnny for photos.  
“Look whose talking” Brian smiled and kissed my cheek before we stood in our respective spots.

We took more photos than I was expecting, of course Brian demanded to take one with Zack since they had known each other the longest out of everyone. I chuckled and rolled my eyes as the photographer finished the photos outside. Everyone else was inside mingling and getting drinks. I walked over to Michelle and raised my eyebrow at her belly. She seemed to have dropped since we last saw her.

“How's the baby doing?” I sat down with her and held my hand on her belly as the baby kicked. I wish I could have been around for this more.  
“Oh they've been kicking my ribs a lot lately, but other than that everything is good according to the doctor” Michelle set her glass of water on the table and stood up slowly.  
“The nursery just got painted last night, Johnny helped me.” I gently rubbed the sides of her belly and watched her smile as I did.  
“Brian told me, the color is perfect” I looked up at her, my mouth hanging open.  
“So it is a boy” I stuttered out, I always expected we were having a girl.  
“Yes, you're having a healthy baby boy” Michelle reached into her small clutch and pulled out the sonogram photos.

I looked through all the pictures and smiled, that was Brian and I's son. A little human from us. The lights dimmed which was my cue to go find Brian. I pocketed the photos and ran to the side room where Brian had told me to meet him earlier. Zack was practically shaking from excitement.

“And now to announce, Mr. and Mr. Baker!” The dj called as Johnny and Zack walked out of the room holding hands tightly, anyone could see how much they loved each other.

Brian and I walked out along with the wedding party, their wedding song played as everyone danced together. I was very glad Johnny and Zack made sure Brian and I would be able to dance together, even if I was on the side with all the ladies. Nothing wrong with it.

“So it's a boy?” I whispered in Brian's ear. I felt him stiffen slightly knowing I knew his secret.  
“She told you didn't she? I wanted it to be a surprise until he was born” Brian pouted slightly and looked at my face, as if trying to read it.  
“I told her that Johnny and I painted the nursery, and she said the color was perfect so I put two and two together. You're not very slick babe” I smiled and kissed him as he continued pouting at my poking fun.  
“Well, we're having a boy and I have a name picked out already” Brian said sliding his hands to my shoulders.  
“Oh? Well I would love to hear it” I pulled him closer without being too close as to take attention away from the couple a mere ten feet away.  
“Aiden James Sanders” Brian said it in such a tone that it stuck. It felt right to be his name.  
“It's perfect” That would be his name without a doubt in my mind.

The night went on perfectly, they each shoved cake in their faces which was very funny to watch. Especially when most of it got stuck in Zack's beard. Brian made jokes about Johnny licking that off and more when they were alone. Always had to be the pervy one. Once everyone had gone home, leaving just the four of us sipping whiskey in the back yard of our house I began to think about my life.

Would I have died if I hadn't been found that day? Or would I have finally given in and found the guys and told them about my struggles? They could have easily thrown me to the side if I tried that, I was surprised standing here now that they forgave me in the first place.

“Matt, babe you're not breathing” Brian was holding my face before I had even realized I wasn't breathing, or that I was sitting now.  
“What?” My voice sounded so hollow and weak, I must've blacked out when I had stopped breathing.  
“Are you okay? Do we need to go to the hospital?” Brian grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler near my foot and held it out to me.  
“No I'm alright” I nodded and sipped the water slowly, that was a new one.  
“You scared me half to death, what happened?” Brian pulled over a chair and sat down across from me.  
“I was thinking of what would've happened if you guys hadn't found me that day, or if I had finally got the courage to find you guys” I watched Brian as I sipped the water.

His expression became sad, borderline angry as he shook his head and sighed. I knew it would make him upset in the long run.

“I'm here now though, so none of it matters” I said quickly.  
“Just don't do that to me anymore please” Brian said with a small glare. I knew it held no heat behind it. Brian loved me too much to be angry with me a lot.

I would just have to make it up to him.

~~~~~~ 

21 Years Later

“Brian I swear to god if you don't let go of her I will pry you off of her” I had my hands on my hips as I watched Brian hug our daughter Ryan. Aiden was shaking his head off behind them both.  
“Our daughter is going off to college I can hug her all I want!” Brian yelled at me, it was very obvious who the protective one was.  
“She'll be back for Thanksgiving, now please let go of her” I started to grab Brian's arms before he let go of her. She laughed and picked up her bags.  
“Thanks daddy, I promise to call when I get there” She kissed both our cheeks before getting into the car Brian had bought her for her 16th party as we watched her drive off.

I wrapped my arms around Brian as a few tears slipped down his cheeks, he was stronger than he ever gave himself credit for.

“Come on dad, let's go out for a drink” Aiden was watching Brian closely to see his reaction. Aiden had just barely turned twenty one and hadn't gone out drinking at all yet.

Brian looked over at him with a raised eyebrow, drinking with Brian meant contests that could never be won by anyone but him.

“How about this weekend with your father and your uncles?” Brian smirked as Aiden agreed. The poor kid was going to die of liver failure before he even got to enjoy his life.

I stood back and chuckled as Brian and Aiden went down to his study. We were still touring the world globally, selling millions of records and meeting fans all the time. Except now we had our kids who could join us and see the craziness their parents got up to. Johnny and Zack's daughter always wanted to go since she was little. But we set ground rules that once they were eighteen they could travel with us. Aiden had gone on more tours with us than Ryan and Ashley both. While they loved the touring and seeing new cities and countries. They also loved sleeping in their own beds. I couldn't blame them at all. Your own bed is the only thing that can truly comfort you after six months of straight touring. And to think, we had all of this because of one horrible loss. We all had memories of Jimmy to hold on to forever, and we would. We would always remember him as the amazing person he was. And now I could live my life with my husband, my best friends, and my children by my side. Forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it! the epilogue to Runaway.  
> this was a hard one to write for me because i've personally known people who have gone through hardships like this  
> but honestly i loved this and hope you guys did too!


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